Hello 2019!! Today my co-worker asked me a shocking question "do you have bf? ", and i could not stop my lips to talk about him, to tell how unlucky is my love life. it seems like just yesterday he finally cut me off from his special zone, ah or i never been special since the first time ahhaha.. Till what my coworker's saying woke me up and made me realise that i've lost him for a very long time. Has been a year. From the begining of feb till the begining of january. Its already a veryyy long months, a thousands days n hours n minutes n secondes, i kept lying to myself, to the world, that i behaved like i am already moved on, but the fact is i am failed! I am not even moving on, everything that reminds me of him makes me craving him more, everytime i realise its imposible to get him, hurts me the most. Never imagine that i would face the new year with a heart thats still broken. Also never though before that it will be this hard for me to get a rid from wanting him. January 2019 feels the same, as hurt as january last year, as hopeless as before, and still i can do nothing. I feel like i am the most stupid person on earth for wanting someone that's not even thinks that i am important. I was just may be like a fun mistake he did, thats why after finished it with me he walked away and not even see me back or just saying hello, how are you, or even hi i am sorry, he never said and think that he never ever feels sorry nor guilty.
Again i ask myself, am i really crushing him? Or actually i really do love him? It has been a year and i still feel the same to him, lol, such a shame... He already moved on, already gone with new one, and i still hoping something that i know it will hurt me cause it will never happened.
If he really had that love feeling on me, why he decided to stop fighting? Why he even not trying to fix me or may be tell me whats wrong with me. Why my story always ended up like this again n again, and no guys that told me that they loved me ever fixed me??? Why they left me broken, like a broken n unwanted toy that they abandoned? Am i start overthinking?
Ckckckck. . O my dear God, show me the way, if my destiny is him, please make it clear, but if it's not him, send me the one please. I would like to love him and accept him how he is, no matter what :)) hahhaha aamiin.
Jijik betul ye kalau galau... Plz plz plz lupakan :D
